Do I Want to Go to Church?

I get asked this question a lot. The short answer is my heart’s desire is to be part of a congregation.

The long answer is I’ve pretty much lost hope on finding one where I won’t have to compromise any of my beliefs or morals.

In order for me to ever be happy in a congregation, it would have to be one that doesn’t tell me I don’t have to be Jewish, they have to follow the entire Bible and not cherry pick or pander to the world, it has to be a charismatic congregation that utilizes gifts of The Spirit (tongues, prophecy, etc), they definitely can’t be sweeping problems under the rug and excommunicating whistleblowers, they have to practice what they preach, and they have to care about Israel, and especially what’s happening there right now. To really make me happy, they should also be observing Biblical holidays and not observing worldly ones.

I don’t believe such a place exists.

The church I was attending most recently was on the right track, but they have too many cooks in the kitchen, and that’s where things start to fall apart.

I still struggle with not being in a Messianic Congregation, but I know they just don’t want to act right, and I can’t be part of that.

I don’t know everything God has planned for my future, but it is on my heart to start a home fellowship someday, but that will require a strong partner. I definitely can’t do this on my own.

But what’s on my heart is to host a ‘spiritual hospital,’ if you will.

This is what I want to stand for:

“Feeling betrayed by the world? Come have a conversation with others in the same boat, and learn about the God who loves you. All are welcome, including Jews, Gentiles, young, old, LGBTQ, BIPOC, addicts, orphans, widows, homeless, felons, sojourners, prostitutes, and tax collectors.”

I want to have worship, of course, and, maybe instead of a sermon, to run it like an AA meeting, where there’s a prompt, and then everyone gets x amount of time to speak on the topic. Kind of like a support group for just dealing with life, specifically church hurt/spiritual abuse. The way people treat you poorly is not a reflection of The Lord.

So, yes, I would love to be part of a religious community that’s on the same page as me, but that would require there to be a religious community that’s on the same page as me.

For now, God has me in an isolation season, and I can’t let people guilt me by telling me we’re supposed to be in community. Because I also don’t believe I’m supposed to settle for somewhere I’m not being spiritually fed or where they’re trying to control me. I can’t be tamed!